Ah December.

As my friends children grow up I am getting to see, from outside, my children in a different light. Wow is that a wake-up call. Sweet La-La and Sigh and two and almost two. Great kids, still rather dependent on their respective mommies, but big enough to do some things by themselves and I think, "Niles was this old when I went back to school full-time. What was I thinking?". Wow! I took my baby and left him with someone else ( a completely competent grownup whom I trust), and went to school. Then my brain shuts off for a second. Then I wake-up and decide that he is perfectly fine, he is happy and well adjusted although fearful of new things and that going to school allowed my family to be where we are right now. It was a factor in everything that has happened since then. Would we be where we are if I hadn't gone, and I have to say no.

The strangest thing is that I forgot about Rob's illness,the all consuming part of our year when Niles was two and newly three. I put it out of my mind. It came up when I took Niles to counseling to work on his fear. I guess there isn't a standard question like "Was there a life threatening illness in your family sometime in your child's lifetime?", and I forgot about it. Crazy huh? Do you think that has something to do with Niles' fearfulness? When I look at Jasmine's Longlegs I think that he is the same age as Niles was when Rob got sick. That was a big deal to him, and I forgot. Some sort of coping mechanism?! So I understand, but I also move on because I can't change the past, only learn from it. So now I deal with the things that come from the past. It is good to remember, but also good to live in the now.

On a totally different note, we have been rather busy this month and I think that something will have to give. Good thing Christmas is almost here and we can be done. Patience is tired I Santa vying for my time. How exciting, a first Christmas again. This will be our last first Christmas until the kids bring home their own firsts' so I am excited for many years I our family being together before we add more.